Why can't people see that I have a heart too?

"Being 18 doesn't mean you're big enough. If you still can't do something for the family then don't be proud of being 18!"

I know I'm 18 and still act like a kid. I'm sorry for that. I can't just change from a little girl to a wise young lady in just a blink of an eye. I need time, there's a lot more I need to know and need to learn. I know I need to do something for the family. No, there's a lot that I need to do for the family. I just need time to figure out ways to give those help. I know exactly what's going on with everyone, I know!

What if I tell you that I care for the family. After all this while I just keep quiet because I'm thinking of ways to help out. But wait, why should I even bother to tell you because I know all you are going to say is "I'll try to believe you". Or maybe I should just make it more obvious that I am actually worried to see what everyone else is seeing. I should let you see my tears every night. I'm trying to not make it obvious that I'm worried because I know you'll be more worried, I know you love me. Why can't you understand that?

:(

Just like others,

My patience has it's limit, too!

ps: I think I'll be having my period very very soon

Couldn't ask for more

I have the world's greatest parents; Mr. and Mrs. Wazir
I have the world's greatest soulmate; Elina Suhaili
I have the world's greatest best friends; Keyla, Mai, Aznil, Imran
and not to forget
I have the world's greatest boyfriend; ♥

ps: life's fair

Bersyukur

Alhamdulillah.
Congratulations to others! :)

Mind at chaos

Now I know that the hardest thing to do is to pretend that you're okay when deep down inside you feel like the whole world is crashing down on you. It's like everyone is letting you down without mercy. No one seem to make the effort to make you feel better. Why have to pretend? Because to see your loved ones worry about you is worst! So, pretending is necessary at some occasions I guess? And for that I can conclude that I'm pretty good at pretending I'm okay when I'm not. Sighs. And oh, I don't think this is some kind of hypocrisy because at the same time I'm learning how to get myself out of the tangle by my own. Is that bad? Whatever, I don't know what crap I'm writing down here. My mind isn't functioning well. Still not knowing the exact cause but my instinct is saying that it's because result will be out tomorrow.

It's kinda annoying when everyone is talking about it. It's stressful when you know your family put a slightly high expectation on you. I have to tell that I didn't really do my best for the SPM due to some unstable emotions which I know I should've known how to handle them. But yeah, it's too late to think of that. This is torture; haven't been sleeping well for a few nights, fell down the staircase a few times. I really am stressed out, my increase in weight can tell. The more I write the more I feel I-don't-know-what-word-to-use-to-describe-the-feeling. So, I better stop.

ps: I'm fine. This is just another seek-for-attention post. Good luck for all SPM 2009 candidates!

Cheers!

Walking down memory lane

I was listening to some good music until my cousin, Mr. Pot knocked on the door.

Mr. Pot: buku Maths ada simpan lagi tak?
Me: tengok la dalam kotak tu
Mr. Pot: fuh, banyak sial buku. Khamis ni kalau tak dapat elok memang saja ah

Okay, that's kinda sial of you to say that. I just watched him digging out all the books from the box. Physics, Biology, Additional Mathematics, Sejarah, English, Bahasa Melayu, Mathematics (found it!, Mr. Pot) Looking at those books made me pause the present time and set to press the rewind button in my mind. Rewind button pressed and I was back in time where revision books are like my best friends. I sleep, eat with them. I carried them everywhere I go. Without reading the books, my days were not complete. I am not a smart ass, obviously but I just can't look at all those good students study. It challenged me. So, thanks a bunch to all those smarty pants! And one thing about me is, I can't just read and study. I have to write something on the book. Doodling is so my favourite until this very day. The books have all these cute little stick boy and stick girl. They are almost on every books. Oh, one more thing. I remember my Sejarah revision book. I can't remember the title of the book but it has the number 360. My friend introduced me the book. I liked it because all the content is good. I remember I used to highlight every single words in the book. It's Sejarah so everything is fact! :p And oh, all those exercise books are not completed. It's either I did half way or I didn't do at all. Trust me, you can find a lot of clean, new books in the box. I'm such a lazy ass. By the way, result is coming out this Thursday. Seriously, I don't know what I will be getting. I have no idea at all. I hope to get excellent result. The dream to get straight A's is too high for me. Don't dream too high little girl. But yeah, there's hope.

Lesson learned

Thank you very much