Michael Joseph Jackson (August 29, 1958 – June 25, 2009)
R.I.P

a day after prom. okay, i dumped him. so, apa rasa? syok kan? hehh, bloody don't care. guys gotta do what guys gotta do. eh correction, dickheads gotta do what dickheads gotta do kan abang? pi belah lah hang! 6m! being single is the awesomest thing right now. i mean, i am totally free. i don't have to worry about my words that will hurt him. in a matter of fact, i do hurt people a lot with my words. cakap tarak lapik; wtf? lantak lah kat aku, poser! i don't have to feed you up with my whereabouts. okay moving on, i feel much much much much better without you. thanks for ruining my beautiful life and thanks for leaving(: your lies are cool, seriously. see, i told you i'm better off without you.

next category, the fabulous bitch. sheesh, she's super annoying. "babe, i went out with him and he bought me a paris hilton tote!" what tha fuck? i bloody don't care and fyi, paris hilton is a bitch, can't you see what he's trying to say there you dumb bitch?! and you really don't have to tell the whole world that you wear armani to bed. stop being a brag!

i am super tired, my eyes are half close. thanks to the students' council that i had to sew six little tiny watermelons. i'm going off to bed now. friends, i'm sorry and nurfarah liyana bistamam, i love you. i was being a pathetic asshole for the past few days, i'm sorry. sya, dancing with you made me feel a bit lighter. and all, i love you guys. good night(:

finally, they are re-connected. i am happy for them both. mission accomplished, Alhamdulillah(:

i was sitting alone at the corner of my room. the song, "here comes goodbye" is playing in my mind. i told myself to be strong and do not shed a tear. yes, people come and go.

p/s: this is life shazana, the person who we hope to stay will eventually go, nothing lasts forever. it may be hard for you to go through the days without that person. but look on the bright side, this is the time for you to be independent. prove to the people around you that you can. you don't need anything or anyone to keep you going, it's yourself!





*thanks but still, i am a weak person. i don't take things seriously, i hurt you a lot. i am sorry. and again, i know you're sick with my sorrys. i wish i could turn back time and change everything just to see you smile. i miss you ):

"i'm weak, i give up"

no shazana, mama and abah know you can do this. do not give up! don't disappoint them.

nothing much happened today. i went for a date with abah and it was more than awesome. and now i'm trying to get two loving birds back together. hope i can make it (crossing fingers) and by the way, i'm loving my new phone. and all thanks to abah, my #1 hero <3!

yesterday was AWESOME. finally, i got myself a new hand phone. it's not a brand new hand phone, it's an old model but hell, i LOVE that phone very much(: though i wasn't in a good mood even after getting a new phone but still i could feel that my heart is jumping joyfully. THANKS ABAH, I LOVE YOU! and last night was really a big bang, amazingly amazing, fantastically fantastic and ridiculously ridiculous. it was 10.00 when i got a call from a friend of mine,

Q: na, nasi kandaq lein cheng jom?
N: sat sat tanya mak aku dulu (ma, Q ajak pi makan nasi kandaq leing cheng!)
M: pi la, later balik rumah sana teruih
N: babi, mak aku bagi ah tapi satgi hang kena hantaq aku balik sana
Q: cun ah setan, cakap kat mak hang aku sayang dia, nanti ada masa aku pi peluk cuim mak hang
N: blah ah hang, bagi aku siap lawa lawa dulu buleh ka?
Q: pergh! nak attract jantan ja tau

so i went uptairs, bukak almari (fuck, baju tu dok basah lagi!) *perah otak nak pakai baju apa. end up, i picked a black shirt and a white cardigant pull of with jeans. and i realised i looked ungodly sick! ah lantak, Q is on her way dah. and tuuuuuuup, Q called

Q: baruah, cepat ah
N: dok mai la ni puki

in the car, i put on my fave CD and i put the stereo on its maximum volume. ass shaker is the awesomest song ever! ahhh, i felt really really good. i sang my heart out and Q was staring at me and she said i looked terribly beautiful. fuck you very much Q! lepas penat melalak, sampai la kedai nasi kandaq. damn, packed gila! had to wait for empty table. and thank God, a family done eating and aku pun cepat cepat pi sep tempat. haha. i had nasi kandaq with kopi ais. both taste heaven. that's the reason why i fucking love penang; the food and the only-God-knows rude people living in this island(: while eating, then R, J, I and K came (ada jugak mamat mamat ni, ingat dah lama mampoih) so we lepak sekali. and it all started with J talking bout my black shirt.

J: na, baju mcm kenai
N: haa, baju I
J: i thought F has passed it back to I?
N: pukimak, dok camdek aku ka apa ni?

and everyone started to laugh when i did 'that' look. and suddenly, 'he' came into my mind and as usual Q will be the first to notice it. she cheered me up with her stupid jokes or more to the-mocking-shazana the love sick bitch jokes? but hell yeah, she managed to bring me back to the present. i'm glad that i can still laugh, i still have friend who always there for me, friends who never fail to keep me going. i have learned something that really made me think before punishing myself for a mistake and that is, we shouldn't take problems as problems but always as lessons to learn. the best way to improve ourselves for the better is learning from our own mistakes. and to look into the big world, people have to deal with craps, find me someone who isn't. then, i decided to not look back into the past and i have to be strong, stronger than ever.

it was almost 2 and Q got a call from his beloved boyfriend, she had to go. and that means, i have to go back with one of the guys. I said he can send me home, thanks for the ride I and thanks for the advices too. yeah, i will forget him. you're right, i'm not his type and he ain't mine too. friends, thank you so much and i'm forgetting him(:

i wake up late for tuition today and luckily adilah's mom came a bit late. phew. tuition macam biasa. after tuition i went to queensbay. i told you i always change my mind right? alright that just reminds me of paan. moving on, i watched Monsters VS Aliens. and surprisingly i cried watching cartoon. oh please don't ask why. i am too lazy to elaborate more. i had good times with friends. but right now i am home feeling down and empty. i miss you):

yesterday was my big day and i screwed it up. thank you so much shazana! well, i knew it from the very beginning that this holidays will not turn up well. to be exact, it's my fault jugak la cause i screw things up. i completely have no idea what am i up to actually but lately i see things differently and it is very different and somewhat of weird. and so, just like how i always do, IGNORE IT. it usually helps but this time, it doesn't and that is when i realised i am not functioning well this time. things are going so wrong and i have no idea how to handle myself this time. luckily, in the dark, there's still some poeple who care and love. family and the super duper best friend, keyla. they just know how to make me feel better and make me realise that there is still hope. thank you so much, my life saviours(:

it took me some times to clear up my mind from misery and finally after a good sleep, i woke up feeling light and i can smile. i was so excited that i can smile this morning. the bruises had gone and the heart was smiling and still is smiling now. and now i know that everything happens for a reason and we shouldn't take any troubles as burden but always lessons to learn. and people always have to deal with craps. the difference is only the way we handle it. and Alhamdulillah, i have learned so much in life. the people i meet everyday, they are different and unique but the differences and uniqueness make them beautiful and pretty. the troubles and happy moments that i face every milisecond. and i have learned that there are still some things that make a person bad. they carve for attention and so, they make up stories and sometimes without realising it, their stories have made two good friends become enemies but then again, i have come to realise that only those with good hearts will stay even after knowing how hideous that someone is.

today was not a bad day. well, not as bad as yesterday. i went to school and we did discuss about the graduation night. but i wasn't really paying attention. i am all in the mood of holidays eventhough i know this will not be the best holidays. i did not talk much (as if i did in the previous meeting lah kan) and the meeting lasted for two hours. jaselyn said we are doing the painting stuff this wednesday which i doubt i will turn up and mim is coming this wednesday so i guess that will be the reason.

conclusion, Alhamdulillah hari ni semua tak seburuk semalam. kawan kawan datang dan pergi and yang pergi akan ambil masa untuk buat keputusan. fikiran seorang remaja mudah diracuni terutama seorang remaja perempuan. bila hati dah penuh dengan rasa benci dan marah, otak pun dah tak boleh nak fikir waras. si jahat yang bercerita tentang si baik pun akan terbalik dan nampaknya si jahat dah dilihat sebagai si baik. pengkhianat ada di mana-mana