Goodbye

Big year for me. SPM, a little bit of this and a little bit of that. A rough year. Let's go by months, but I can't really remember what has happened though. Not exactly.

January
Started school. I was so excited on my first day. Everyone was like "wey ni last punya first day!" Ha-ha. It sucks when your parents forget your birthday. Abah and Mama forgotten mine this year :(

February
Valentine's Day, I feel disgusted to think of it back.

March
Nana Mia, Roti Bakar Kopitiam (some maybe know what I'm trying to say here) Mid-term exam. I failed my Chemistry HA-HA.

April
I can't remember anything that happened in this month -.-"

May
KL, prom dress. Mid-year exam. I did quite well :D

June
Enchantment Under the Sea, I ruined it! Had a good night dancing with Sya :)

July
Someone's birthday, free calls, Facebook :)

August
Debaran SPM semakin memuncak, study groups, stayed up, puasa and this is when I started to be close to that someone. Kut?

September
Raya, trials. Okay, I didn't do well for my trial :( Semakin rapat :D

October
7th day of the month until the 25th day of the month <3 *playing You Sang to Me

November
SPM, struggle, pain, pressure. Al-Fatihah: Tok Ngah. Last day of SPM :D

December
I regret that I wasted a lot of time and I'm missing some people. Hate to say this, but I'm lonely. Sya and Munzir, yeah happy to see they're happy together :D

The year 2009 has taught me a lot of things. As you grow older, you'll get more grumpy-er. A lot of hardwork needed to make it to the peak of the tower called success. People don't really understand what they're saying. Don't be surprise if your best friend told you that he/she will always be there for you but when you need them they aren't there. People tend forget littlest things like that. Don't get mad when a person tells you that he/she loves you but the next thing you know is they're leaving, for good. They do love you, they just don't want to keep on lying to you. They just want the best for you. When someone tries to love you, appreciate that. He tried, at least. It's okay to cry when you feel like to. Don't just keep those tears, it hurts. It's okay to be emo sometimes, you're being yourself. Don't ignore your friends even if they did ignore you a few times. Don't hide your feelings, it kills you from the inside. There's no point telling the whole world that you're broke cause no one can help you with that. If a friend calls you in the middle of the night crying, don't hung up. Try your very best to keep them calm. Don't ever use your mom's face wash! HA-HA When your parents aren't talking to each other, don't try to do anything. Just act normal, don't show them your worries. Don't text you friends when you're driving. When a guy tells you that he can be a jerk, trust him. When your boyfriend calls you very early in the morning, answer and talk to him. Nothing feels as good as talking to your boyfriend in the morning. When your boyfriend doesn't tell you that he loves you that often, don't think that he does not love you, he does. If your boyfriend is sick, don't try to act as if you're his mom. Do not annoy your ex-boyfriends. Don't make assumptions. Don't act cool or nice in front a hot guy in the presence of your friends. When your friends think that you're immature, don't freak out. You know yourself better than others. Don't let people make decisions for you. It's your life. Some things are better left unsaid :)

Me Love

Please smile?

thank you :)

Reasons why I'm waaaay better than YOU

I am stronger than you.
I don't need a guy to wish me "good night" and "good morning" every day.
I don't need a guy to say "I love you" to me.
I don't take my friends for granted.
I don't just ignore my friends because they don't have something that I have.
I'm happy to see my friends happy, I don't envy them if I'm not as happy as they are.
I don't pretend to be something I'm not to just you know- to act cool.
I don't cry over small matters.
I am not as grumpy as you are.
I don't care if I don't look good. (maybe I do, a little)
I am very grateful for what I have now.
I don't twist my words. (maybe I do sometimes)
I am not an attention seeker!

I AM NOT YOU

Okay, this is weird

I feel like crying. Don't know why, just feel like to -.-"

Going strong

It took me one year and five months to love you
Now,
I need another one year and five months to
stop thinking of you.

Inter-est-inggg

Interesting kan?
Think I'm nice? Think again ;)

Treasure Hunt

First get into my room, on my dressing table there's one small purple box. It's really small you really have to look for it. Open it and there it is, our treasure of love sayang.

I LOVE YOU

Hey again

I MISS YOU!

gada-gada-gada-gada

okay, okay nak pi mandi dah ni -.-"

Ouchh

After waiting for so long, finally there's someone who has the guts to talk to me. You don't have to know who, but I like this person so much that he has the guts to do so. He texted me and this is what he said.

A- that person
B- me

A: U nak tau something. Actually i rasa u ni teruk
B: Okay, and why is that so eh? I bunuh bapak u ka?
A: Tak, well i guess belum sampai tahap tu. It's just that i rasa u suka ingat yang u ni hebat, kira u the best la. Padahal u're nothing je pun
B: Jap, what did i do to u eh?
A: U did nothing but i rasa annoyed with u. U're extremely annoying u know
B: Eh?
A: Yes! U suka buat yang u know everything padahal u cetek pemikiran. U suka buat yang u ni cool habis, u suka takmau admit apa yang u rasa, u suka ingat yang u ni expert in life habis
B: Lagi?
A: The truth is, your friends tak berapa nak comfortable dengan perangai u. Tapi sebab u single which i don't see what's the connection, so kawan-kawan u takmau nak bagitau u sebab diaorang takut that it might hurt u
B: Tell u what, i sikit pun tak marah. I know i annoying gila, i know! I know that i ni teruk. I tunggu a person yang berani nak tell me all these but sorang pun tak berani. Why semua nak kena ingat sebab i don't have a person yang boleh back up i kira i ni weak. Maybe i am. Okay, i admit, i jealous dengan my friends sometime. I teringin nak rasa apa yang they feel but at the same time, i know i kena change. I've tried (insert name)!
A: Why u kena buat macam tu? Why u kena tunjuk dekat guys yang u ni kononnya tak senang nek kena tipu? U dah lain gila Shazana. Lain sangat
B: If only u boleh rasa apa yang i rasa now
A: Stop saying that. Semua orang rasa macam tu. Jangan la ingat u sorang je yang unfortunate. U ni selfish. Bodoh sombong
B: Thanks (insert name).

Well at least now I know. Thanks, thank you so much. Surprisingly, I don't feel so down. I feel normal. You know what's best for you.

Broke, bored, broke, broke, bored.

Home sweet home. Ah, not sweet anymore since I've done all my works.

-Clean the room [√]
-Do the laundry [√]
-Clean up the closet [√]
-Read the newspaper [√]
-Wake Fadd up [√]
-Call Fadd [√]
-Finish 'The Lesson of Her Death' [√]
-Search for recipes to cook tomorrow [√]

Everything done and I'm bored. I need to find a job. I need to fill up my time, I need to learn to earn my own money, I need to socialise more, I need money, I need money and I need money. I just got back from school and Farah just went back home. I'm alone and I'm bored. Called Fadd but he is up to something -.-" I wanna go out but I'm broke, I've no money. Not as much as I had yesterday. The money that is left now is for me to spend next week. I've no idea how am I going to survive with only that much of money. Berjimat cermat amalan mulia Shazana. Give yourself a try. Financial problem always got me a major headache.

I wanna go to KL for the KLWMBC but to think again, it's in KL. So, it's better for you not to go Shazana. Not now! Shittt, I'm bored and I'm broke. Well, not really broke but I have to save up for the BIG day. I ate three donuts at a time. Bloated. I miss my kakak, hope she will come back next week. I've promised to myself to be a good girl from now on. I won't use any harsh words on guys (exceptional for some guys), I'll try to be as polite as posible towards some girls, especially my girls, I'll try to show people that I HAVE FEELINGS TOO, I want to show to some (insert word) that there are a lot of difference between US, I want to say ' I love you' to my parents more often and and I want to treat my boyfriend (if I have one in time to come) nicely (: Okay, that sounds bitchy but above all this, I want people to know that I do appreciate them no matter how bad they hurt me. See, that's my problem. I forgive people easily. Too easy in fact that they tend to repeat the same mistakes that will make me feel sad. HA-HA I sound so lame.

FUCK IT

SPM is over and I'm very glad for that. Now you can see kids hanging out at the malls. Dah habis seksa exam lah katakan. As for me, I'd prefer to stay and enjoy the serenity at home. So I didn't go out with my friends. Cuti lama so tak payah nak kecoh and pulun nak keluar lah Shazana. Friends did ask me out but sorry I just don't feel like going out YET. I'll ask you out if I feel like to. Sombong lah Shazana ni. Whatever, seriously whatever (!) I've been going through a lot for the past few months. All the bullshits started exactly on February 2nd and everything just ended on December 8th. And that was approximately 11 months and that is almost a year. WOW! Now I'm proud of myself. I've been going through all that alone for almost a year, surprising much. Never thought I could be this strong. And now I think I deserve plenty of time to let myself feel free because YOU have no idea how gruelling the journey of shit was. And for that I think YOU should quit saying this and that, quit making assumptions (!) YOU didn't even realise how people are saying that I've changed, or shall I say that YOU don't care about it. I'm sure YOU don't, YOU are always busy with your so-called important agendas. No matter how busy YOU are and no matter what people said about me being a totally different person, I just want YOU to know that YOU are still one of THEM.

We ended it with smiles.

HOPE TO SEE YOU GEORGIANS AGAIN! (:

Calling once, calling twice

I could feel that something isn't right in this house. Something stinky.

Desire

Mazda RX8

Kawasaki Ninja 250R