31/07/2009, I HATE YOU!

and i just realised; it's a BAD choice

i know you can't and you won't understand

I WANT CHOCOLATE FLAVOURED SLURPEE!
pleaseeeee

i hate my chemistry teacher. i used to dislike him but now i hate him. he's being a total pain in the ass. will you ever like a teacher who's being full of himself, expect you to answer to all his questions perfectly and in just miliseconds? it's crazy. i had class with him yesterday and since then i realised that i hate him. no, he didn't 'attack' me like how he 'attacked' some of my classmates but somehow i felt so annoyed with him yesterday. before the class knew that he's not married, we always thought that he had a fight with his wife before he came to school and maybe that explains why he is very moody. oh yes, he's always moody. he's like having PMS all the time or maybe the menopause. but guys, he's guy. is that even possible? try to be in his class, and tell what you feel after finishing the class with him. he's so fussy and he thinks he's very very very good. again, i hate him. there was a time, he attacked my deskmate, and he really got the wrong person. she, my deskmate had fired him back straight to his face. oh serves him right! and yesterday, a friend of mine noticed that he's hot a love bite on his neck and i was like eeeeuuuuuuwwww. i wonder who's that person that gave him that love bite. urgh, so sick! and oh i had class with him again just now. what?! 2 days straight? yeah it's so unbearable but i had no choice, i mean, we had no other choice. and today, a friend of mine noticed that he was wearing the same pants he wore yesterday and the day before yesterday. monster, i understand if you're lazy to wash your pants since you're not married and you have no one to manage your clothes and stuff but please don't make it obvious. just in case, you're blinded with the girls' beauty, you're in a girls school asshole! and oh i remember there was a time, my classmates and i were talking bout him and his scandal with this one teacher from my school too. and we were making a wild guess that he came back to this school hoping that he will get his long lost love back. and the best part is, we even spread the rumor that he's getting married with her. and omg, i just realised that he's getting worse now. he didn't really teach us like how he used to. he just show this bloody slide show and a little bit if explanation. and ohhhh, he even said to the class the he has been teching too much. what the fuck? you're a teacher. quit and get a wife old man!

i'm scared ):

folks! you see the cool t-shirt up here? I am looking for this t-shirt for long time. I really want The Beatles t-shirt. if any of you know where I can get it, please do let me know (:

hello Shazana! how are you today?
oh hey. I'm good I'm good
feeling better now?
yeah, thanks (:
so, what are you gonna do after this?
I will do what Farah wants me to do
oh really? I'm hoping for that for so long actually
why didn't you tell me? I'm sorry for being a pathetic asshole after all this while
people have craps to deal with
thanks for understand me. I hope it's not too late
it's not. I'm here to support you
awh, thanks Shazana

i've just finished digging my heart. i need to throw some unnecessary things out of it and i found a little A in it. i didn't know that i still keep it. or maybe the little A came back into my heart without knocking on the door first. ahh naughty little A.

A, i won't throw you away. i will keep you with me til the end of time. i promise you that. no matter what happens, you will always be here in my heart (:

yesterday, mama and abah went to school for the report card day. and just like how i expected it to be, abah marah. i woke a little bit late yesterday just to make sure i didn't get to talk to abah and mama before they went to school. i did all the houseworks before bath just to cover up dengan harapan, takkan kena marah sangat. and the best part is, i spent more than an hour in the bath room just to escape from abah. ding dong. and i skipped lunch and i locked myself in the room because i really don't want to talk to abah and mama. from my room, i called the house phone asking Irah whether abah marah gila or tak. i know its sillt to ask that. abah was really mad and Irah said abah said this to mama "i didn't expect this. i feel disappointed" you see, the only thing that will make me feel down and i mean really really down and the only thing that makes me feel that i'm useless is to disappoint my parents. i cried. well folks, i think it's better to stop telling you guys what happened yesterday because i'm starting to feel down just to think of what abah told me yesterday. abah and mama, i'm sorry. i will try to study harder but i can't promise you that i will get good results for the trials and even worse the spm itself. i don't know why but i just can't promise you two that and again, i'm sorry.

okay shazana, let's see if you can answer these. if you can pick an answer in just a second then you're perfectly fine (:

Q1. How are you today?
A. sick
B. sick
C. sick
D. sick

Q2. If you're given a chance to talk to him, what would you want to say?
A. I miss you
B. I miss you
C. I miss you
D. I miss you

Q3. Are you hiding something from me?
A. YES
B. YES
C. YES
D. YES

Q4. Do you want him back?
A. NO
B. NO
C. NO
D. NO

more options please?

Selamat Jalan
Baru sebentar tadi kita saling berbalas senyum
Mengapa harus kini kita berpaling?
Dengar sini sayangku, aku bukannya angkuh
Cuma buntu, kesejukan, ditinggalkanmu

Mungkin kau tak mengerti
Apa yang ku cuba sampaikan
Namun aku memahami jelas kehendakmu
Dan apa lagi yg mampu ku lakukan
Selain menelan pahitnya dan akur?

(Chorus)
Selamat jalan, semoga cerah masa hadapan
Jagalah diri, kau pasti bahagia tanpa ku disisi
Hanya satu yang ku harapkan, moga kau takkan lupakan
Masa-masa silam kita, di mana kita pernah senyum bersama

Maafkan, ku tak bermaksud menghantar mu jauh
Kukesali, lukamu tidak bisa lagi diubati
Namun ku tetap sayangkan mu
Dan tiada yang bisa mengubah
(Chorus)
Ku kesali, waktu ini tidak sempat lagi
Ku terlambat, namun kau sentiasa hampir di ingatan

Selamat jalan, jagalah diri
Jangan kau lupakan, yg pada suatu masa dahulu
Kita pernah bahagia bersama

no one noticed it ):

hey, hello, hi! :D

i went out with my parents today (: okay, i was supposed to watch Ice Age 3 with him but i couldn't make it yesterday. i went to kedah then to perak. i ate lots lots lost and lots of rambutan. ohhhwiiee! well, i was a bit tak senang hati that i didn't get to watch movie with him though we went out a day before. i went tuition this morning as usual. on the way there, mama asked if i want to go for movie with her, abah and irah. i didn't want to join at first. after tuition, i went back and i got this weird feeling. i started to miss everyone and i got carried away until i've started to hate some people. oh silly me! i watched the red lipstick and it somehow gave me the courage to move on. life is a long journey and we shouldn't stop at a start. thanks movie! haha. after watching that movie, i felt a bit better and i really wanted to go out and have fun so, i told my mom that i've changed my mind and i want to join them for the movie. my mom understands that i always change my mind (: and i realised that in the end it's family that always be there for you. regardless for who you are or what you have done. so, love your family (:

after movie, we headed to Johnny's. mama has promised me to belanja. oh guess what?! i think something is wrong with me and i mean really really wrong. i didn't eat much just like how i used to. weird isn't it? and oh i really hate it when i see all the workers at Johnny's are not malaysian. where are all the malaysians? if they're in some field that is way way better than being a dining boy or dining girl, then why is this country still can't be in the same level as the US? and i was surprised that these foreign workers have good command of english compared to some of the malaysians. it's sad. and oh that just reminds me of the government is converting mathematics and science to BM back. i understand that it is the mother tongue but in the tertiary level, these kids will still have to learn in english. isn't this will be bring trouble to them? some people may have questioned how come the old timers can do well even though they learned in bm for their secondary level. they may be right but just looked on how the country has developed. how many students managed to score straight a's and compare it to those days. and still these students, most of them didn't get any place in even local universities. it's sad isn't it? i shall not proceed, but just take time and think about this.

shouldn't let it all out. i miss you

good morning world (: i woke up early this morning. it's raining and yeah i know when it rains, tidur best but my sore throat is killing me. it's getting worse! i guess it's because i drank cold beverage last night. serves you right shazana!

i watched transformers yesterday, i know it's kinda late but i don't care, i watched it! lol. it was awesome! i love it! it was 4 something when i received a text message from a friend asking to watch the movie. i wanted to go with nabilah but she couldn't make it. i asked keyla, she had tuition. so i just went with this one particular friend of mine. we watched a 6 pm movie. i reached there around 5 because my friend wanted to eat but he ended up with a 1901 hot dog to eat in the cinema. before we entered the cinema, this friend of mine wanted to go pee ;p so i waited for "it" outside. and then i saw this one guy with his little brother. he looked familiar. oh, hafiz! haha. i was a little bit of surprised because i didn't expect to meet him there. nice meeting you hafiz (:

tik tok tik tok, the movie started. i was really watching the movie. i mean, i have nothing else on my mind. i was really in the mood of transformers. shia lebeouf is super cute and megan fox is super hot! and bee, i love you. haha. after movie i called my mom to pick me cause i started to feel sick. i felt dizzy. while waiting for mama, hafiz came and we didn't talk much because i don't know what to talk to and i was feeling really really sick on that time. luckily mama came early, thanks ma, i love you (:

after taking a warm bath, i felt a bit better. after that, i called sya telling her what happened. she is still not okay, well sya, i hope you will be okay soon. really soon. and i hope for everyone too. i pray for the best for all of you (: after calling sya, i called adam. we talked crap a lot. well, that made me feel a bit better. thanks adam. then, i was super hungry and so i ate bread with nutella. yummy yummy. and around 12.30 i started to feel dizzy and i had a major headache last night. after a good 10 hours of sleep, i felt much better but sore throat killing me.

folks, i'm going back to perak later! i can't wait. i miss my grandparents so much though i just went back to perak last week. lol. i love love love love love love my family :D can't wait to eat lots lots lots lots lots lots lots of rambutan and manggis. yeay (:

haha it happened again. no one knows what it is. the thing is safer with me and only me. evil eh? whatever. okay, let's just make it simple. i am gonna post about things that more or less people know and always think about. yeah, it's cliche. again, whatever. i got this text message from an old friend saying that something happened between them. and the best part is the thing is because of me. what the fuck?! i'm sure that would be your respond when something you didn't even know and when it happened it's like the wrold is putting the blame on you. it's like fukcing lame and sickly annoying kan? well, i try not to think much of it as my aim now is just to focus on my studies. but i just couldn't stop thinking of it since i've started to hear some rumors spreading which is sooooooooooo not true. alright, to whom it may concern, i really don't know what's going on between you and that person and i really don't care. so why must you drag me into this? dulu dah pernah buat sekali tak cukup ka? i've had enough of that person telling me lies. the sweet ones. things have changed now. get over it!

and to that other person, oh how i wish i can stop loving you. you really got me under your spell. congratulations, i hate you! the thing now is, i'm trying to fix things that we both have been trying to fix since before. i hope for nothing else from you except for this one thing. i'm not saying that losing you is like the end of the world. but you have been such a wonderful mate to me. tell me how can i let someone who has taught me how to stand go? you may say that i'm such a nuisance or whatever but who gave you that big warm hug when you're feeling cold and insecure? and again, i don't ask for much, i just want us to be like how we used to be. it's okay if i don't get what i really want from you i just want us to be like before. i sound desperate, but i really don't care. i miss you, again.


i'm confused, can you make me understand?

stop pushing. i need time to think. you take things for granted and now you want to make a big deal of that person leaving you. you said it's the best thing you've never experienced but your mind said the opposite. you need time to fix yourself as well? you're selfish and you don't seem to know it. people are trying to give you their bests but you don't know how to appreciate them. when you're down, she always be there to cheer you up. but what did she get in return? you said you don't want to lose her but you were kissing with your own brother's girlfriend. i’m impressed, i’ve never met such a small mind inside such a big head before.


next chapter,
that night you texted me saying you need some explanation of what had happened between us. i gave you what you want. you started it off with your usual lines. it was stupid of me to give such a reaction. i should know it. the time flies so fast and you said, sometimes to look back is much better than to think of the future while you were holding her hand. i just smiled and she doesn't like it. i gave in. i tried to understand you. you need your mom and sister on your wedding day. a lunch will do. you asked me to choose but i need more options but when can i get it? can i ask it from you ex's mother? wait, does she even know what is happening. that morning, i wake up and to see you smiling next to me feels like heaven. a burger and a coke is a total go! finally, you met her. i can see that spark in your face. i told you, you love her still. but i know it's hard to choose. let's ask for more options. to fly to the moon or straight to heaven. we hate each other and we both know it. the endless fight is just so lovely. the endless love is frightening me.

it's okay baby, let's twist our words. our mind need some confusing game to earse those memories. it just work that way.

p/s: only fools understand what i wrote (:

yesterday: cross country at the youth park. sadly, it was my last cross country as a georgian. i just can't believe that i'm gonna say this but i love my school and i'm gonna miss all the wacky moments with the so unwell georgians (: and since it was my last time cross country-ing, i decided to run. well, not practically run, i jogged for few kilometres. not bad huh? i put my 'walkman' on, with the jiwang songs been played, i jogged to the beats. ridiculous la dey! anyways, i had fun jogging, really.

lepas lari, isi perut (:

favourite people <3