i received a call from Aunty Kina. this is how the conversation was like (roughly)
Aunty Kina: Shazana, hello how are you?
Me: i'm good aunty, how are you?
Aunty Kina: not so good, i've something to tell you but please stay calm
Me: okay (feeling a bit uneasy)
Aunty Kina: Dan involved in an accident just now. he was with Syakir and Rasyad on the way back home from school. Syakir was driving and he hit a tree
Me: Ya Allah! so how are they now?
Aunty Kina: Rasyad and Syakir teruk now.
Me: how bout Dan?
Aunty Kina: (silent) Dan meninggal dekat situ jugak
Me: (silent)
i was so speechless, i was blank. i couldn't think of anything. i hung up on Aunty Kina just like that.
it's been two years now and Dan is still with me and i know he will always be. a true friend he was, he knew when i really need someone to tell me this "please don't give up, give it a try. i know everything is gonna be just fine." he didn't afraid to speak the truth that might hurt me. i still remember his sentence "i nak sakitkan hati u ni, ready?" (': i miss those moments with him and what i miss the most is when he didn't know how to ask Sania out. "shazana, macam mana ni i nak cakap apa dekat Sania. takkan nak cakap direct terus, nak ayat best best sikit" haha. that was Danial Razlan.
***
Danial, i hope you're happy up there. yes, it' s hard for me to live without you as you were the only friend who knew when i'm up and when i'm down. you just knew it without me telling you anything. sometimes, i just want you to be with me and i know that won't happen. no one can replace you Dan. my life has not been so good for the past few months, don't know why. but i know everything will be okay soon, i just need to wait. oh Dan, SPM is coming up, please do help me. now that i don't have anyone to make me the 'countdown machine' so my time is not well planned so do my studies. mama and abah don't seem to help much. i know they want me to be more independent kan Dan?some people said that i've changed a lot now. yes, i decided to change. i was too good back then that some people used me for their own good. Dan, help me to make them understand. i know if you're still here you would understand me, you would support me. oh i remember what Derrick told us on the night he gave me the lanyard;
"friends, i'm afraid la nanti kita dah besar and dah tak macam now. i know kita semua will change. Dan will get married with Sania and have kids and will go back to US and leave us then he will call Shazana and ask her to move to US because he has found her a nice english man. Radhi will be in Austalia with Kak Wai and he will come back here and find me because he can't live without my kek pisang"
ahh, those times. Derrick, i still keep that lanyard (:
***
i had a bunch of wonderful people but now i don't have them anymore. Derrick moved to Singapore after his brother passed away. Radhi is in Australia now probably in college dah. Kak Wai is still here in Malaysia finishing her law. Sania pun is still here in Malaysia, i met her last month. she's not doing so good after she had lost Danial. and me, i'm here waiting for time to reunite. HOPE
Danial Razlan Ahmad Rizal
01/10/1991 - 13/08/2007
al-Fatihah
01/10/1991 - 13/08/2007
al-Fatihah